提升寫作層次一定要掌握的 3 大要素

正在準備托福的學生很常問我,明明覺得自己寫得不錯,論點、舉例都給了,但還只有 20 分,問題到底出在哪?
托福寫作想要穩定 25 分以上,重點不只是你「寫了什麼」,更是在於你「怎麼寫」。以下用 Discussion Board 題型問「是否支持政府推廣偏鄉旅遊?」為例,用學生的作文帶你分析提升寫作層次一定要掌握的 3 個要素:用字、句型、結構。
一、用字層次:用字和描述要準確
- Before:
If I had to choose for the development of these rural areas, I would not encourage tourism. - After:
If I had to advise on the future development of these rural areas, I would oppose the government’s support for remote tourism.
雖然大方向有寫到,但描述不夠準確。學生用了 “choose” 這個字,但題目是問政府政策;再者,個人當然無法「選擇」一地的發展,或替政府決定是否 “encourage tourism”。
更精準的寫法應該換成 “advise” 和 “oppose the government’s support”。
二、句型層次:句子不是越長越好
- Before:
Implementing this policy would not only disrupt the current economic balance in the countryside by abruptly inviting lots of tourists, but also result in vicious incidents such as littering and quarrels between outsiders and local people.
好的寫作要「延續」上一句寫過的內容,既然上一句才寫過這個概念(oppose the government’s support for remote tourism),下一句就不需要再贅述(by abruptly inviting lots of tourists),直接用 “this policy” 代替即可。
適時寫長句雖然很加分,但要把握字數的最佳區間是 20-30 字,再多反而容易失焦。
三、段落層次:抽象內容不能沒有解釋或舉例
- Before:
To sum up, I would prefer that the government improves the unpopular regions’ economies by focusing on their own specialties. - After:
To sum up, I recommend that…by focusing on their own specialties, such as agriculture or light industry, as this is likely to make a more significant contribution to their overall wealth.
一個好作者提到抽象的概念時必須補充說明,避免讀者或考官覺得難懂,或有任何誤會。
例如原句中的 “focusing on their own specialties” 實在看不出是指什麼、和題目的 “remote tourism” 有沒有關係。最快速的解法可以用 “such as” 簡單帶出例子,也不用落落長解釋,論點就能瞬間清晰!
原文發表於:創勝文教電子報
202311 / 02 期・Nov 15